scar
/skär/
a mark left on the skin or within body tissue where a wound, burn, or sore has not healed completely and fibrous connective tissue has developed.
Listen, I really thought that I had healed. That I was the bigger person. That I walked away from my past and past experiences, a better person. A person who was not living in the past but Happily living in the future…
Lies…
Well not all lies. A huge portion of that was true. It wasn’t until something happened that exposed a past wound, that I then realized…Ouch… something doesn’t feel right. I’m in pain. Not the sharp pain of a fresh injury. No this was a dull pain… more of a throb. In some ways the hurt was so deep that it was devoid of feeling. I felt nothing but a twinge of the past hurt that had become Scar Tissue. The scar was just evidence that something didn’t heal right. The evidence was there. However, I was indifferent. I had been living and dealing with the issue so long that it didn’t feel like an issue.
Most of the time when we think of scars, we think of the visible marks that can be seen. Scars that remain from a cut or sore or some type of injury. We forget about the inner scarring, unless it begins to present itself through pain or another issue we can’t quite explain. Scar tissue can develop during the healing process. It can happen anytime trauma has occurred. Especially if there was an injury or surgery. Trauma is sometimes hard to fully deal with. When you go to the trauma center their desire is to deal with the immediate issue that has caused the obvious damage. So it can be a little easier to miss some previous issues that have caused damage but left scar tissue in their wake.
Unforgiveness is like scar tissue living in one of my major organs cutting off circulation, and slowing down the proper function. My purpose was functioning around it. Acting like it wasn’t really an issue because it could maneuver in spite of. But in truth. In all honesty. I was not moving forth in my purpose like I should. I was stagnant with limited function. So was my purpose really functioning? During this quarantine, I have had a longing to be alone. Alone with my thoughts and prayers. Alone with His Spirit. Alone from worry and doubts. In some ways I felt like Elijah hiding by the brook, Cherith. But as I continued on, I realized that Elijah at one point was hidden by God, and at another point he went into hiding.
Upon this self evaluation, I have had to ask myself if I am hiding or being hidden. Being hidden in God is an awesome place. You are being fed and rejuvenated. Every need is being taken care of. However you are also being prepared for service. You cannot get too comfortable or content. Change is coming and it’s coming soon. This is similar to this process of forgiveness. This process for the most part will start abruptly for us all. It will be such a dramatic shift in thinking and identifying of our hearts’ contents. So before we go too far and too deep I want to know are you willing to shift? Are you willing to i search your heart in depth, and deal with the scar tissue that may be buried under the surface? I want to use this time of being hidden to take parts of myself out of hiding. The parts that are stuck at a trauma and refuse to budge. .
Internal scarring cannot be seen via ultrasound or mri. It has to be seen with the eye. A machine cannot properly detect it. So in order for it to be dealt with, we must allow God to open us up. We must completely and willingly expose ourselves to Him and His Spirit. Scar tissue can cause a break in the flow. It can reduce a nerve’s blood supply, causing poor circulation. I had heart damage. And I could barely breathe. I can liken it to like drowning where you can’t catch your breath. Where your lungs fill with something other than pure air. I felt stifled, and in wretched agony with every shallow breath. So no, I was not healed and my healing process didn’t look like everyone’s else. I had to go all the way and had to go alone, with only the doctor, God, and His help, His Word, and His Spirit.
We must embrace His Word, which is ‘sharper than any two edged sword, that can cut between the bone and the marrow.” His Word can detect and separate the good tissue from bad tissue. This is what I had to allow with my heart, Let me tell you, this was not a one time surgery, this required a steady diet of His presence, and allowing His Word to take over my heart. This is an agonizing process. I lost friends who didn’t understand, or thought it was about them. I was at the point where I needed GOD to work on my heart. To remove the inner scarring.
Upon this process, I had to realize that each piece of scar tissue was from a place of trauma where I allowed a piece of my heart to become stuck. Stuck in unforgiveness. Stuck mental. Just stuck in different areas and stages where the trauma first took effect. To fully heal I need to discover the source of the trauma and dissect how it affected me, and in what area did it cause me to become stuck. It was in looking into the traumas that birth something God challenged me to, and I want you to go on the challenge with me.
The Letters to Forgiveness Challenge:
Step 1:Make a List of everyone you believe has wronged you and/or you have wronged.
Step 2: Write a letter to each person on your list, whether living or passed on. These letters are just for you and God, not for the other person. Seal Them and put them somewhere safe.
Step 3: Stayed Tuned! We will process them together!
Check out the bible study tab on thekalled.com for further details.
